Homey :0

Maybe it is a HOUSE for you

But THIS

is a HOME for me.

will be here

in

ummm...

.

604800 seconds

.

10080 minutes

.

168 hours!

.

seven days!!

.

one week!!!

.....................................................................................................................................................

I’m coming home
I’m coming home
Tell the World I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits 

and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the World that I’m coming home.

Demented

Bapaku pulang dari kota,

bapaku belikan kereta,

kereta kecil warna merah,

boleh ku bawa ke sekolah

hohoi

Assalamualaikum :)

Just a quick update kepada anda yang tertanya-tanya.

Alhamdulillah, aku masih hidup selepas 8minggu di sekolah. Yep, seriously, the school don't bite and I am still in one piece, safe and sound. Aku rasa gagah dan perkasa to be here without breaking dawn down.

I'm looking forward to:

1) School break!! May 28; akan ku jejakkan kaki ini ke kampung halaman yang indah dan permai, bersama nyiur yang melambai-lambai ;p

2) Practicum break. Eh, silap! THE END of practicum lah. will be on June 17. Then, I will be free to roam the world! Exaggeration again.

3) Izzuddin! Will be welcoming Izzudin (insyaallah) in September. Wake me up when September starts okey.

Hokey thats all. My hands are tied with movies, novels and myself

Tata, bye-bye

(^__^) 

"Pelik" is subjective ;p

Assalamualaikum :)

Anda semua ade tak kawan dengan orang yang pelik? Pelik yang tak suka keluar dengan kawan-kawan kecuali kawan rapat. Pelik yang tak suka berjumpa kawan-kawan lama such as kawan sekolah, sekolej or seuniversiti. Pelik yang tak suka pergi 'reunion'. Pelik sehingga bercita-cita untuk tidak menghadiri graduasi kerana taknak, takut, malas dan beramah mesra dan bertemu mata dengan orang ramai. Pelik yang lebih suka menyumbat telinga dengan ear peice dari mendengar percakapan orang sekeliling. Orang pelik ni pun rasa pelik dengan diri sendiri yang memang ternyata pelik. 

Oh, am I saying that I am that 'pelik'?

Dang!!

Yup, saya terima, yang saya seorang yang pelik. Well, pelik in my own way, subjectively. Kan? Tengahhari tadi, sambil memasak nasi goreng bersama housemate tersayang, saya dapat informasi yang our convocation day will be held on DECEMBER. Ya, percaya lah! DISEMBER! Like 6months after practicum. Maybe pihak pengurusan memilih DECEMBER agar kami dapat meyanyi lagu Taylor Swift "I'll go back to December" kot . Ngarut sokmo!! OK, anda nampak tak masalah saya sekarang? Nampak tak?

*Sigh* macam mana anda nak nampak sebab anda semua normal xpelik macam saya. Kay, sesi praktikum akan berakhir pada bulan 6. Tempoh 6 bulan tidak akan membuat saya merindui mereka-mereka tapi, akan mebuat saya berasa asing dengan mereka-mereka yang dulunya bertangis tawa. I am afraid that we will be strangers to each other (T_T). Sekarang anda paham bukan?

So, friends... please understand me if that really happens. I can't control the way I feel cos I am weird. Kepada yang terlibat, I wanna say sorry in advance.becos emotionally retarded me. I really hope that we will stay friends till the end.

Kemendungan.

Anda percaya tak cuaca boleh mempengaruhi emosi seseorang?

Percaya atau tidak, hari ini anda terpaksa percaya kerana terbukti! benar! cuaca mempengaruhi emosi saya.

Okay, hari ni bermula dengan kemendungan

1) Alarm menjerit at 5.50, lalu di snooze sebanyak EMPAT kali

2) Bersiap-siap pegi sekolah, tudung plak buat hal. Ok, bad tudong day.

3) Bukak pintu rumah, tgk langit yang suram, makin suram plak rase hati. Hari yang kelam.

3) In car, dengar lagu "Here Without You"- otak mencapah kepada benda xsepatutnya.

4) In class, students lelaki came in 15 minutes late. Then, buat bising.

5) In class, students lelaki bergaduh, sampai angkat kerusi untuk baling kat kawan. Terkejut, trus jerit at the top of my lungs. the boy left the class dengan muka merah padam, without saying anything to me. Other boys, gelak-gelak and buat bodoh. Mereka buat aku fikir "Am I functioning in this class?"

Hoi diri sendiri!

Anda mmg xberguna.

6) Pendidik @ teacher @ penjawat awam starts bergosip tentang my lecturer yang xbertudung n sexaayyy! "Alah, lecturer budak TESL tu, yang xpakai tudung dan pakai skirt"- hmm, maybe suasana sekolah sangat boring, so when my lecturer came yesterday, itu sesuatu yang baru untuk dibicarakan. Or maybe, the school walls keep their mind shallow n narrow smpai nak judge org from appearance. 

..

..

Mendung kan? 

Something worth think about.

Today, I feel like talking@writing about a poem. Hep!, do not crinkle your nose! Poem is not that boring. Believe me, it is not boring, when you try to relate the content with yourself. Try your best to connect it with what happening outside and inside of you. Then, it will not bore you to death. Try to connect it with something you want to show to others, or even something that you've tried your best to hide to others. Then you will see, understand and appreciate what the poet trying to say. Just give it a try, will ya?  This is my so-far favourite poem, by Frost. I discovered this poem during one of my classes. Take your time to read it, then relate it with something, someone, somewhere.  Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice. -Robert Frost- When you are alive; breathing, thinking n etc: you are creating your own world. The world of friendship, the world of partnership. So, how your world will end? With fire or with ice. The destructive forces. Hot and cold. Fire:The raging flame that comes with undeniable heat. So what is it really? I believe the fire is hatred. It does't matter if you keep it inside or let it outside, its still burning. So, do you want your world to end with hatred? My friendship does end with hatred. So I guess I am the fire, and it burning me inside out, and the flame keep blazing because I didn't put it off with forgiveness. That is me, that I despise, that I want to change. I am not proud of that. It is the same with desire, flaming red and proud.  Ice: It's freezing in here. In the heart itself. Sometimes, when you want to shut off some people, you keep a straight face and keep your heart frozen. Ice princess. Who says that doesn't hurt. The silence, the coldness ; enough to cause destruction and it would suffice (enough). I keep my heart frozen, extra careful to hand it to someone, because it is fragile, might break with a simple knock. And it wouldn't be the same, although I try to reassemble it.

Minggu Peperiksaan

Assalamualaikum diucapkan kepada pembaca-pembaca sekalian. Hari ini, saya akan cuba menulis dan menyampaikan isi blog ini dengan lebih sopan dan dedikasi (tak jumpa word laen yang bleh digunakan). Baiklah, seperti tajuk di atas, minggu ini adalah minggu peperiksaan. Ya, saya tau minggu peperiksaan merupakan minggu yang amat ditunggu oleh para pelajar seperti *kita* yang sentiasa bersedia dari mental dan fizikal. Kepada yang sentiasa bersedia, syabas diucapkan. Kepada yang anda yang suka belajar masa akhir (last-minute study), kita geng *high five*

Namun, minggu exam yang saya ingin ceritakan ini sangatlah berbeza dari pengalaman saya sebelumnya. Di minggu exam ini, saya tidak lagi calon yang termanggu di kerusi, merenung syiling untuk mencari ilham, mengetuk pensel di ubun-ubun dengan harapan maklumat yang diharapkan muncul diminda. Saya tidak lagi menduduki peperiksaan. Saya menjaga peperiksaan. Tiba-tiba rasa sangat tua. Terhibur melihat anak didik yang berusaha sedaya upaya memerah otak, tidak kurang juga yang berusaha menjeling kawan disebelah, dan mengangkat tangan setinggi mungkin untuk bertanyakan kemusykilan beserta jawapan dari teacher. Hep! Buat sendiri! Tanpa sedar, teacher yang menjaga exam tersengih keseorangan mengingatkan beratus-ratus kenangan menduduki peperiksaan. Dan, tiba-tiba teacher rasa sedih sebab ia telah berlalu dengan sangat pantas. Lalu, untuk mengatasi rasa sedih itu, teacher telah cuba merakam saat-saat pertama sebagai penjaga penunggu peperiksaan.

 Bilik darjah warna hijau yang teacher terlebih suka

Hakim: Teacher nak bayar royalti tak amik gambar kitorang ni?
Teacher: Klau bagi kamu extra marks dikira royalti tak?
Hakim: Terbaiklah teacher! Amik la gambar saya banyak-banyak.

Hahahahaha

(pardon, tolong bagi saya gelak dulu). 

Proses menanda kertas peperiksaan adalah sangat menarik serta menggeletek usus saya.Gelak lagi

Anak-anak didik kesayangan saya ini memanglah tersanagat comel sehingga saya mula bertanya diri sendiri “adakah aku dulu secomel mereka ini?” Serius,mereka sangat comel

Hahaha

Gelak lagi.

Di kertas jawapan, bukan sahaja saya dapat menilai pencapaian pelajar. Malah, saya dapat banyak kata-kata yang memujuk supaya diberikan ehsan, lukisan kreatif, ucapan-ucapan sayang untuk melembutkan hati dan  juga bebelan ikhlas dari anak-anak didik. (anak-anak didik atau anak didik-anak didik ye?) 

Contohnya:

To: Prepared (Penyedia kertas soalan @ me)
Cikgu, susah tau x
kena buka sini sana kertas ape ni?
pening...lagi membazr masa
from: my dear students

Situasi 1: Teacher sedang buat-buat sibuk menanda kertas jawapan di meja guru, lalu kedengaran lah suara sumbang memanggil "Teacher, Teacher". Teacher yang prihatin melihat muka kesian anak murid terus melangkah dengan bersemangat kearah beliau.

Teacher: Yes?

Student: "I close my eyes..."-tetibe nyanyi lagu Justin Bieber dengan penuh ekspresi

Teacher: "If you close your eyes, then you are dead"-buat muka stern xjadik sambil tahan gelak

Bleh pulak die buat lawak time exam! Mesti tension sngt jawab soalan math. 

Hahaha, mereke semua comel.

Okay, saya kene bebel dan difool dengan students. Tak pe, nanti teacher bebel kat kamu panjang-panjang sebab kamu tak skor kertas saya. Revenge is sweet, ait?

Sangat terganggu.

Saya takut. Saya takut.

Saya lemah. Saya lemah.

Saya negatif. Saya negatif.

Saya pendendam

Saya pendendam

Ini kali pertama perasaan rendah diri, kurang yakin dengan diri, mempersoalkan kelayakan diri dan rasa ingin tunduk pada setiap kelemahan diri; menyerang selepas tiga minggu berpraktikal. Rasa ingin mengalah.  

Esok, aku akan dipantau oleh guru pembimbing. Hal ini adalah biasa bagi guru praktikum, namun, aku meragui kelayakan dan kemahiran diri kerana peristiwa lepas. Peristiwa yang buatkan aku hilang keyakinan diri apabila seorang pemantau berada di belakang bilik darjah, memerhati dan menilai setiap tingkah laku, cara pengajaran, pemaikan, perwatakan, isi pegajaran, cara penyampaian; yang melayakkan diri menjadi seorang guru.

Peristiwa "micro-teaching" yang lepas, yang sangat terkesan di minda aku. Setiap kali terfikirkan peristiwa itu, hati rasa sangat sakit, sangat terkesan dengan apa yang terjadi. Setiap kali imej terimbau, hati makin keras, makin susah untuk memaafkan. Kerana anda yang terlibat. Kerana anda semua, rasa sebak tak pernah hilang walau beberapa bulan telah berlalu. Kerana anda semua, saya rasa saya tidak berguna. Kerana anda semua, saya fobia. Kerana itu, saya mengangap memaafkan serta melupakan adalah ssngat sukar. Kerana anda semua, saya hilang kepercayaan terhadap kawan. Ya, saya pendendam.

Esok, aku akan cuba sedaya upaya menggantikan memori hitam itu dengan suatu yang dapat aku banggakan. Kerana kamu semua tiada disni lagi. Tiada lagi hamba allah yang tersenyum sinis apabila melihat aku dalam kepayahan dan kesempitan. Aku akan cuba sebaik mungkin.

Sayang kamu

*sheepish smile*

Saya sayang kamu semua

(^_^)

Here goes the story.

I just come back from 2 Bestari.

Just now, I teach them Adverbs.

So, to make the lesson more interesting, 

I've held a game as their practice stage.

N for the present, 

I'll give them this

.

.

Julies Peanut Butter Sandwich

.

(Google images)

Since teacher xde budget tinggi, ini je la yang teacher dapat bagi.

They were so competitive.

They listened to me closely,

Respond to the lesson well.

However!

Because they are so eager to win, 

some students start to say

"Teacher, why only boys?"

"Teacher, I raise hand first?"

"Teacher, asyik Akmal je. I want jugak"

"Ala teacher, questions sikit sangat"

"Teacher ni, tak adil, saya angkat tangan dari tadi"

My dear students, kamu semua sangat comel.

Sampai tak terkata-kata saya dibuatnya.

Tp, as human, sye ade personal preference.

Saya mmg suka tgk muka Akmal. 

Kenapa??

Sbb, muka die membuat saya jatuh sayang.

Kenapa??

Sbb muka die mcm Amir.

Sape??

My little brother yang manja melampau, sweet, talkative.

The best thing is: die dngr cakap n mudah untuk dibuli.

So, I feel like teaching my own lil brother,

sbb 2 la saye asyik sebut name Akmal je.

Tapi teacher sayang kamu semua bcos all of u are my dear students.

Btul, sayang all of you.

Teacher Tak Adil?

Hehek, maap, teacher pn manusia jugak ;p

Lets whine

"Whiners have been known to make valid points, but then they act like the point is the most important thing in the world"

(anonymous) 

1st point that she wanted to whines about is; she had been left all along, in this gloomy house because she refused to get up and open the window. I mean, this is totally unfair when I love had to lay on the bed, writing whining virtually instead of being in my hometown enjoying the season. How could they left me alone? 

Because you have to go back to Malacca! 

Oh, Ok, I get it. But still, its something to be told, because I am a whiner.

The next thing is; the school break is almost over. Mayday! Mayday! I don't have the time! But I am capable of relaxing on my back, without a trace of guilt. Dida will come over tonight and we are going to head back to Malacca on.. weh, freaking tomorrow! And the day after tomorrow, i'll be making chaotic memories on that school. 

That's your responsibility as a trainee teacher la! 

Oh, Ok, I get it. But still, its something to be told, because I am a whiner.

Then; the school. Headache! Headache! Ok, let me be a total whiner on this. Chronologically, on the 4th day in school, the principal finally cleared his unorganized tight schedule to meet us. Teacher-trainee. For the first time. Is it not obvious?. For the first time, after the fourth day at the school, we finally got our rare chances, to meet the head of the school. The Pengetua. I was like; "oh, finally, we will be greet by the principle". I was expecting a warm, welcoming face that would surely give us support as a beginner, and boost over confidence, and willing to give us guidance. What do you expect? It's like hoping for beds of roses, lilacs ad dandelions when you are clearly on a desert (exaggeration is my middle name! humor me, erthlings) The first sentence that I heard from him wasn't "welcome to so and so, and I hope you find it comfortable to be here" but, in stern, straight voice, " I want to check on your Rancangan Pengajaran. I am the PRINCIPLE, so have the authority to call upon all of you whenever I like. You, trainee teachers, need a special supervision so that you don't pollute my children(students) when you leave this school " 

Suddenly I felt like singing; Yang kurik kundi, yang merah saga, baik budi indah la bahasa ooooo...

I get it, his trying to show off enforce! that he holds the authority. Actually, you didn't have to do that, you are The Pengetua, an with the name itself comes the power. Everybody knows that. After checking our RP's book, he showed us some gratitudes because we have been doing one swell of the job in teaching his students. Oh, I've been cynical over ad over. Instead of checking what we have been teaching, he scanned for imperfections. He told us how lazy teacher trainee could be and that's why he need like to do this. Then, lets begins Q n A session.

P: What are your objectives here?

Sue: I want to learn on how to teach the.....

P: You are here not just for learning! You also need to teach......

don't you know it is rude to interrupt without warning? Clearly you don't want to know the answer. So, why bother asking one?

P: Since you are very good on your theory, I want you to apply it here. So, what did you do on your relief classes?

Aku: Usually, I ask them what they have learnt and .....

P: what is the use of asking that? You should have use you skills and whatever that you've learn on UNIVERSITY!

Once again. It's rude to interrupt. I am yet finish my sentences. I asked the students what their teachers do during the relief classes and what did they say? THE TEACHER ASKS US TO SLEEP! You see, I pity the students when they said that. Asked them to sleep? How hilarious is that. This is a school, upper secondary some more, and the teachers treats them like they are being left at kindergarten or nursery where there is a slot for afternoon nap. Ironically, the head of the school asked us to make us of our skills. Anyway, what's his problem with Uiversity? I smell the inferiority complex kicking in. 

P: We should have let the University trains the trainee teachers on their own. Why bother send them to school?

I say, why bother accepting us in the first place if this is how you gonna treat us? You should have rejected the proposal for teacher trainee long before you start accepting them. Then, the blame is on you because you are not true to your words and it shows us, the beginner in this field, how tangle the system might be, under your supervision.

P: I want to know about Nilam. Language teachers, have you check about that? Did you know about Nilam?

Aku: Yes, Nilam is.....

P: Have you check you students' book?

Aku: No, not yet, I ...

P: What is this? I am not satisfy with the Nilam's program. Another language teacher? Did you check on this?

Dida: No, not yet, we...

P: Look at them, is this how you going to be a teacher?

Dida: Cikgu, this is our first week in this school, so we have not been informed about that yet.

.silence.

P: Head of language department, I am not satisfy with the achievement o this program, please do something.

Laughing Mighty Out Loud! He doesn't even know that we've been here for only four days. This is professionalism. And I can't see any trace of that on you. Clearly, he was not happy with his staffs and taking it out on us. Is this how the pengetua is? Then, I dont want to stay in this profession, when you will have an autocratic leader, that finally will restrict your action and not to mention your mind. The first experience is really important in how you perceive the world after. Have you ever wonder why some babies yelling, wailing out loud when they touch the water while some babies literally have to be dragged out of the water? Because, their first experience with the water, whether positive or negative encounter with it, decides everything. Ok, lets imagine I am the baby (not that I am as adorable as little-monster-super-cute-baby) and the school is water. It is the same for me. This is the first experience in school, and I have bad impression on this, so it just impossibly hard for me to say that "this is what I want to do for my life". Starting to asks why did i blindly, took the scholarship that requires me to teach at lest for 3 years.

M: The teacher from IPG is more qualified than University's teacher.

M: Please don't take your students out, take them to their house, especially you form 4 students, please don't have scandals with them. It happens before.

Double standard. And it happens to come out from the very mouth of a senior teacher. Yes, a teacher who spend her life time to educate students. I just feel sick. You know, some people is willing to step on other people to be where they are today. I clearly, witnessed it myself, sitting just in front of me.Politics is everywhere. I just don't feel like to stay in this anymore. Frankly, the fourth day in school, as a teacher trainee, is like spraying a bucket of water on a currently lit candle. Then, the fire helplessly put off without any resistance. That's me alright.

Uh, finally, I don't feel like writing all those conversations. Lets the rest be a secret ke?. Most importantly, Dida, Sue and I, feel so bad and stressed out.

That is life, you. Don't you expect life will be easy on you every time you take the next step. If this doesn't happened, you will never think and get caught up in your own fantasy world where it the rainbows stretching  above you head, birds chipping happily and streams flow endlessly. These experiences will mold you, strengthen you, and educate you. If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. 

Oh, Ok, I get it. But still, its something to be told, because I am a whiner.

Mourning over you/me

I'm wearing the mourner's cloak

He's dead

(T_T)

Sobs

He's gone

.

.

I'll miss you

.

.

R.I.P

.

Real Name: Gold. D. Ace

Nickname: Fire Fist Ace

A great brother to Monkey D. Luffy,

Precious son of White Beard

Passionate, true to his words, faithful

.

End of mourning

taking my cloak off of me

.

I'm sorry Ace, but life must go on, with or without you.

Your place had been replaced by this cool guy

.

~Red-hair Shanks~

Haha, well that's life

Patah tumbuh, hilang berganti

Jap, sbelum itu, jgn sape2 kutuk diriku ini cos suke ngn anime ni.

Tgk anime pun dapat benefit jugak tau!

Contohnya,

Dalam mase aku teruja tgk characters berperang, melawat ke tempat2 fantasi, bertemu ngn mythical creatures, berusaha ntuk mneyelamatkan kawan die, bergelak ketawa, bersedih n berusaha untuk jadik the king of pirates, aku tbe2 tersedar;

Ia buat aku sedar akan kekurangan diri sendiri.

Ye, benda penting yg mmg xde pd dri aku.

.

Kesungguhan

Passion

.

Kesungguhan dalam mengejar apa yang anda cita-citakan

Rasenya, perasaan tu xpernah ade dalam dri aku

If I want something, I never desperately try to grab it.

When something cross the path, I'll easily give up the hope

I'll turned my face away if it gets harder

I'll just let it go, let it loose, until it comes to me.

kononnya: what passes you is not for you, and what's for you you, will not pass you

but, is it count when you just wait without putting a lil bit of effort?

Menyedihkan bukan?

Boo, Loser.

Reflection (1st week)

Slrrppp.. sambil menghirup hot steamy lemon tea, tiba-tiba rasa rajin yang membuak-buak untuk meng-update blog. Tapi, instead of writing about my bro yg ade kat cni, or kemanisan n ke-fresh-an buah honey dew yg dipos dr kg, or pasal how i'm going to spend this precious one week holiday, or pasal alya sakinah yag makin BUAS or pasal ainul fatihah yg resembles my mother day by day...... i'll write on reflection (my homework actually). Sambil tu, jom loading Shakespeare in love. 

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*This reflection thingy will contribute at least 5 out of 100 marks for my practicum. so, lets ramble!*

March 7, 2011; the first day as practicum teacher. As my friends and I showed up at the school, we headed straight to the office. We were informed that the assembly for the day has been cancelled. I was very happy to hear that because I am afraid that the teachers might call us up on stage, to introduce us to the whole school. Well, dear students, I suffer from stage fright, breathless and faint . As GPK1 gave us our schedule for teaching, I scanned through the paper. I got to teach 4IT1 and 2Bestari.

As I entered 2Bestari, I introduced myself and get started with ice-breaking session. The class cheered when they learned that I'm going to teach them English, instead of Mr.Valaitham. Why? Because they thought that I'm not going to be as strict as their previous teacher. Hopefully. There are 36 students in the class and I am having a hard time to remember every each of them. Because they are too exited, I can't control the class well. I practically, have to yell, so that my voice can out done their voices. I suffered from sore throat and head ache for the first day at school.

4IT1 was quite a challenge for me. As I introduced myself as their new teacher, the some students started to ask me to use Bahasa Melayu instead of English. "Teacher, I can't understand you!", they said. I've told them that I will speak in English because I am an English teacher, but I'll use the simple words so that they can understand. Two of my students started to protest by singing a Chinese song and completely ignored me. In the next class, I tried my best to bond with my students. We talk about the songs that we like, the places that we wanted to visits, and surprisingly, they started to open up and use English in their conversations.

I have been assigned to prepare a poem for send off ceremony of a teacher. I have trained Haikal and Amirah, form 6 students, to present a poem to Mr. Naza. I was very grateful because both of them are familiar with this area, so the training process went smoothly. I was proud with both of them as they recite the poem during the assembly and received the big claps from the teachers and students.

One week went by as I struggled to adapt with environment, 2 lesson plans per day and anticipating for the next 11 weeks. I've learned that I like to teach the students, seeing their eager faces to comprehend my lesson. However, the lack of encouragement from the principle, the head of school, really brings me down. I find it hard to adapt to the school atmosphere, where the teachers divided themselves into groups and badmouthing the others, and trying to get us on their sides. I believe, as practicum teacher, I have to keep my thought to myself, keep my mouth shut, and do the works that have been assigned. Lots of works to be exact.

Fuhhh, siap! 5 markah utuk sye for honesty. 

Tapi, itu blum masuk the exact words the principle used to described us.
okay, hint sket.
"Ckg dr Universiti x berkualiti mcm ckg maktab"
Oh really? (sile bace dgn nada mluat teramat)

Xpe, yg tu masuk entry laen.

loading 20%............

Whohoohooo, masuk golongan hot gak la Will ni

Always love Gwyneth! Thumbs up! Heads up!

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I need, eh have to watch this movie.

Tata

Bye-bye

To be or not to be

What is it you for being 23 years old? 

Yes, for breathing freely on this earth for 23 years. 

Do you manage to find what you searching for? Or, you still don't know what are you searching for? Or, worse, you stop searching because you are too coward to face the upcoming day as it got tougher? Don't stop searching, and do it at your own pace. No matter if it requires you to run with all you might, walk with tons of lead, crawls on your broken knees or even creep so slow. At least you are moving forward. And I believe, as long as you don't give up, Allah s.w.t will show you the way. Insyaallah.

I wish for a better me, in heart and soul.To be a good servant. To be wiser through my action and my speech. To be a filial daughter to beloved Babah n Mama. To be a responsible sister to Wan, Dja, Anis, Faiz, Afiq and Amir. To be a sweetheart to Dida, Aja, Eman, Sue, Anah, and my most cherished friend. And I want to look at the mirror  and whisper to myself that "I am proud of you"

Today's lesson is 'Fear'

According to Cambridge dictionary, fear is an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried about something dangerous, painful or bad that is happening or might happening.

What is your definition of fear?

It is fear when I woke up gasping from nightmare, then frightened to move a muscle because of the thought of waking up the sleeping snakes all around me. And I have to stay still, chanting to myself that there are no snakes on the very bed that I am in, until I have the guts to move and get a glass of warm water. Or else, I'll wait until the panic mode passes, and go back to sleep. Always experience this during childhood,  sometimes when I have bad day. Then, I'll cringed at the mention of 'snake' till this very day.

Fear is when I have to walk alone along the dark alley and pretending to be fearless. Because I am clouded with fear, I'll keep my head straight, without glancing what's on my left or on my right. Keep on marching and marching and marching.

Fear is when I have to move to a new house in a completely unfamiliar place, without my mom and my dad around. Feels like crying silently and hopes and hopes and hopes that they will be here at least to assure me that it's okay.

Fear is when I am on my way to school office, met a stranger wearing a name tag "Azhar", told us that  the school is not in need of the practicum teacher. The heart beating faster and silently praying that it will turn out well. Then, relief replace the fear when I spotted the UPM symbol on his shirt. Cikgu, how could you played us when you can smell the nervousness juice coming through our pores, clearly saw the fear on our faces. Sobs. At least, he have guts to joke around :) A super senior, nice start I hope.

Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. 

Quoted from Brendan Francis

I'll pray that I"ll be given strength to face the upcoming fear, as I walk one step further. Amin.

Memory is no more than a sieve

~T.H.E   E.N.D~

Is that all?

Nay, earthlings!

Thy only saw the smiling faces and heard nice music.

Of course with smiles, u can't stop the tears.

Of course with sweetness, u'll experience bitterness

Its all in one, tightly chained closets

In the night, u'll hear those voices

screaming at you,

begging to be release

so they can tell you the whole story

and

I've chained it with the biggest strength

because it just a memory

that I hope to differ

Photo shoot I

Introducing, a newbie in modelling : Nurul Muhammadiyyah a.k.a Kak Ngah a.k.a adik :)

Nilah antara aktiviti favourite ble balik umah. Dress upkan budak-budak kecik, make up diorang n take pictures. Lpas 2 kne marah ngn Pak Su cos xmnunjukkan nilai murni kat anak diorang

(T___T)

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Xpe, nanti klo da ade anak sndiri mesti anda akan prasaan as mak or ayah dlam mndidik anak-anak.

Jom tgk hasilnya~

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Hi uols, saya Nurul (^_^)

Umur saya 4 tahun.

Saya suka cakap banyak.

Saya suka Cik Yie balik kampung

Nanti Cik Yie bawak saya pegi pantai

Pastu Cik Yie bawak g shopping

Cik Yie suka g jalan-jalan

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Yang ni Cik Yie paksa saya pegang bunga.

Die cakap, klo sye xnak amik gambar, die xnak bawak g pantai

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Saya tau saya comel, sbb 2 Cik Yie sayang

(-__-")

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Tgk mata sye, bulatkan! Kan!

Cik Yie contang mte saya ngn pensel kaler itam.

Pastu, ble abah tgk, abah cakap saya macam kawan ceplos.

Tak kan? Kan? Kan..!!?

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Tgk, saya cantik je.
Tutup mulut sket sbb cik yie pkaikan lipstick Mak Long

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Cik Yie cakap die suka gambar ni

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Ok, daaaaa...

Len kali ble Cik Yie balik kg lg,

Saya srh die amik gambar byk2 eh,

bleh tnjuk kat korang lagi.

Bliss

Here

Dedicating my mind

for the time being

being buried in those notes,

books, slides

is a bliss

because its beginning of an end

Yes, I am enjoying

the very precious moments

of being a student

Apa masalah kau?

Heh, tajuk entry yag membengangkan. Ya, si penulis bengang dengan orang tu. Ish! Geram. Argh!! Wargh!! Auummm! miau~

Ade sorang ni kan, sangat la membenangkan orang dengan sebengang-bengangnya. Kenapa?

Firstly, hari ni she woke up at 6.00 and promised herself nak study. Ok, study jap. 

Study. 1page.

Study. 2pages.

Then, 

"Eh, who is this? oo, die ke, chat la kejap. Oh, die ade blog la. Wah cantiknya layout die, mane die ambik ni? Hurm, die tengah sedih ke? Kesian dia.."

"Eh, 9.00 oclock already? Nooo!!! class starts at 10, bye u len kali chat lg"

Then, die g class. Sat within four walls, ears plugged, music banging, chatted n laughed and learned nothing except latest gossips. 

Then, drove back home with semangat membara-memual-melampau ntuk study.

Sampai rumah, kill the engine, excuses start filling up the mind. Then, she lazed around, watch telly, download latest songs, 

n

updating blogs in this very second seems more important than tomorrow's test.

 One of the many + usual unproductive day.

Cerita Rakyat

Di zaman dahulu kala, dipelosok sebuah negeri yang terkenal dengan jolokan serambi mekah, tinggallah sebuah keluarga yang dikenali sebagai Baderuliksan's. Keluarga ini hidup aman damai as a family should be. Ketua keluarga yag dikenali sbg Haji Merie adalah seorang yang easy going and peramah and berhempas pulas untuk memastikan keselesaan setiap ahli dalam family ini. Tq babah! Pembantunya yang femes dengan nama jolokan Kak Sah, pula amatlah dedikasi terutamanya dlm isu pelajaran anak2. Tq Mama. Anak2 lelaki dihantar ke sekolah agama manakala anak2 perempuan dihantar ke sekolah pend. sekular. Anak2 lelaki yang makin membesar mgharumkan nama Haji Merie and Kak Sah, apabila suara anak2 mereka berkumandang sebagai imam disurau, pembaca khutbah pd hari2 berkenaan, rujukan apabila berlaku kemusykilan.

Namun, lidah manakah tidak tergigit? Jom ikuti kisah seterusnya.

Untuk menjadikan cerita ini lebih bersifat cerita rakyat, nama2 watak telah ditukar seiring dengan keegoan si penulis.

Tersebutlah kisah Sang Harimau iaitu kakak kepada Sang Frog; anak2 Haji Merie dan Kak Sah. Sang Harimau terkenal dengan sifat mudah melentig n cepat merajuk manakala Sang Frog adalah seorang yg pandai berkata2 serta keras kepala. 

Alkisahnya bermula apabila Sang Harimau pulang dari perantauan, dengan rindu membuak2 terhadap kampung halaman.Di perantauan, Sang Harimau mendalami ilmu penjajah serta turut terjajah minda dan perlakuannya. Sang Frog pula menghabiskan cuti pajangnya dengan pergi menuntut dan mendalami ilmu agama di Pondok terkeal di negeri serambi mekah itu. Namun, Sang Frog terpaksa pulang kerumah untuk mengambil keputusan peperiksaan STAMnya. Lalu, disebabkan latar yg sedikit berbeza, berlakulah pertelingkahan antara mereka. Sang Harimau berasa sangat rendah diri. Ini kerana sebagai anak, Sang Harimau tidak pernah melakukan sesuatu yang membanggakan. She is ordinary.

Lalu, selang beberapa hari, keluarlah keputusan yang ditunggu. Sang Frog berjaya mndapatkan 10A dalam examnya itu. Sang Harimau berasa bangga lalu berkata, "Sang Frog, mai sini nak tengok slip", lalu dibalas Sang Frog "Xpayah la, anda bukan faham bhs arab!". Sang Harimau sangatlah terkesima mendengar ayat itu sehigga bergenang air matanya. "Aku tau la ilmu agama aku dop sedalam anda, tapi xpyh la sampai nk hina aku."

Lalu selepas kejadian itu, Sang Harimau memulau Sang Frog. Kata-kata Sang Frog tidak dijawab, kehadiran Sang Frog amat dielak. Lalu, Sang Frog mula sedar akan kekasaran kata-katanya itu. Sang Frog berusaha untuk berbual dengan Sang Harimau. Sang Frog juga tolong memasak n mengemas rumah n bercakap mngunakan nada yang lembut dengan Sang Harimau. Akhirnya, Sang Harimau n Sang Frog pun berbaik semula. Dengan itu, berakhirlah cerita rakyat bahagian 1

We know one another's faults, virtues, catastrophes, mortifications, triumphs, rivalries, desires, and how long we can each hang by our hands to a bar. We have been banded together under pack codes and tribal laws.

(Rose Macaulay)

Mood: Haru, sayu, mendayu-dayu, huuuuuuu~

sebab dngr lagu sedey

Curiosity kills the cat

(stuju!)

Ignorance is a bliss

(stuju!)

Miles apart, close to the heart

(umm, nope)

Out of sight, out of mind

(hopefully, right)

Anda pernah terpikir tak kelemahan social network ni selain buat anda addicted n lupa diri?

It keeps me checking on the person that I wanted to ignore and driving me mad. Yeah, with this social thingy, they said the world become boundless. But, I want to set these boundaries, so that I can feel assure and secure.

Then y don't u delete that account? Duh.

Ugh, ahhh, ummm, how do I say this.

Let say, I try to let go of them tapi its get harder day by day becos of these things.

Ye la, dah anda nampak those pictures with the big smile on their faces and suddenly it makes you think "I would be there if I was brave enough to stay". Then, u'll read their statuses and knew something was wrong with them and you want to be the one who console them.

Easier said, you want to be important in their life.

Like you used to be.

And to make it harder, you know that you are the one who left.

then, ble dah jadi camni, barulah anda perlu memujuk dri sendiri dengan

"xde satu benda pun yang pasti atas muka bumi ni kecuali mati"